My Madness

Yes please ask me more
ask me more questions as those tears roll down your face
look away with unblinking eyes that waver
convince me
convince me that i am your ownly salvation
so that i do not leave
so that i cannot move or budge
i dont
i dont have the right to even cry
for you will cry with me
and harder
so that in the end
i am always the mother
you tell me
you tell me i can be the child
you say you would be taking care of me
but as i see you bawling
as i see you crying and crumbling
crashing
toying that earring as if
nothing else mattered
i know'
i know im not even allowed to cry
even my tears will find no solace
for they would not be allowed
i shall have to suck it up
and take care of you
i cant be victim even as you perpetrate
you are feeding me too
feeding the ,mother within me who must not abandon even as her heart bleeds
even as her core erupts
she smiles through bloody gums
through clenched fingernails that break her flesh
through screams
agony
screams of pain
so much pain
she smiles
she must
lest you crumble
i feel like laughing
from one parasite to another
HAHAHAHAHAHA
as if on cue he msgs
my former parasite reminds me
of how ill i am
how mad
how utterly hopeless that i need trauma to feel
i need the stench of my own flesh burning
the taste of my own blood in my mouth
oh then
i believe i have made the right choice
so i calm down ur listless eyes
i dry away your tears
i assure you i love you
i make peace with the fact
that i am not allowed
not allowed to cry
lest you cry harder
not allowed to scream
lest you get scared
hush my child
you have me where you want me
in the palm of your hand
crush me slowly
but sweetly
its been a while since ive felt alive
as i am all set to enter another symbiosis
where i thrive on his blood
as he gnaws on my flesh
and together
madness will reign
madness is supreme
i enter it again
its jumping with joy
as it sees me
beckons
i smile
im coming
slowly but surely
you shall see me
soon